toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
someone threw a dead crab at me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
