Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
