He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
