If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
