i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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