I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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