he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
