12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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