So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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