He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
