hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
