well you can't waste a boner
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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