i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
They have beer where we have blood.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
