Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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