I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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