I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
