I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
