You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
