getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
