i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
