so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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