so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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