I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
