oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
