Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
