What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
