I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I died a long time ago.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
