is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize