Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize