Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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