There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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