idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
