Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
