Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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