Apparently you make a good broom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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