It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
