Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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