but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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