Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize