ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
