The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
