3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
