After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
