I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
