I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
