Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
