I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
A+ Viking dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
