she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
