You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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