We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
