This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
