We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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