The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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