Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
