im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
