my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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