I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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