Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
