Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize