dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
