there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
