I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
