I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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