oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
