Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
