your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
