Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
