Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
