dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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