I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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