I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize