It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I supernannyed him into submission
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
